请高手帮忙改下这篇【雅思作文】 谢谢！
你这个文章介于3.4-4.5，在不破坏你原意的前提下，帮你简单改了下，有不少低级语法错误，用词错误，整个文章形有了，但具体的细节还需要很大的加强才行，句子多备些地道的模板，不要自己编，用词要准确，不是很懂的词不要乱用，会扣分的，建议你多看点范文和好的文章先，再多写多改吧。加油！
Q:Traffic and housing problems in major cities would be solved by moving big companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, with the development of economy in major cities, more and more companies and factories invest in these developed cities. They set up their businesses （by compete land in cities ）and establish buildings or factories in order to create profits. However, large amount of buildings and employees lead to an increasing number of people in cities. They could raise the problems of traffic and housing. I am in favor of the solution that moving big companies, factories and their employees to the countryside.
As we all know, when there were no big companies and factories, city will be peaceful and people could not be upset by traffic. Now, with the increased amount of employees in those companies, every time they go for work in the morning and go home in the evening there must be some traffic problems. Moreover, companies and factories make up land to build building so that local residents could not afford to buy flats to live. On the one hand, countryside has more land for big companies to build buildings and there are much less people than that in cities. （Employees live there can ease traffic problem in cities that will no longer affect cities.） In other words, big companies and factories to countryside can boost local economy which improves local people’s lives.
（On the other hand,） provided that countryside advanced by big companies, it maybe create the same problems as cities in the end. But these phenomena will not occur in a short time. Moving to countries is just a short-time solution for the sake of traffic and housing problems in cities.
In all, （although big companies move to countryside cannot solve essential problems,） it can improve the bad situations in cities in some degree. I think the government can take good measures in future.
While the economy and technology are developing, many people agree that there are currently numerous of media for communicating information like books,radio as well as television.Benefits and drawbacks are present in every medium.Thus, those areas will be discussed in detail.
When it comes to books, it is beyond question that they have such a long history that can be dated to the ancient time.Our ancestors used it to record events happened at that time.Images together with graphs are also drawn or painted on books to illustrate information.Books,however,cannot comprise sound and video at the same time.
Nevertheless,radio records aural signals perfectly.Thus,sounds and voice can be communicated clearly.That is why the broadcast stations enjoy the popularity among their fans daily.In spite of the advantages,individuals have to imagine what they have heard while listening to radio.Hence, it is difficult for listeners to have a uniform thought and the information may be different when perceived.
When speaking of television,it is not unrealistic that an increasing number of people now have become couch potatoes due to addiction. It is easy for people to be addicted to television for it delivers a large quantity of information.TV is a medium that mixes sounds,images and videos all together. It includes so much information consisting of current affairs,shows,sports as well as scientific knowledge. With such a huge range of information on all areas,each person can choose what he or she would like to watch.Therefore,it is obvious that TV is the most effective medium for informative communication.
To sum up,the merits and demerits of the three media are shown respectively and I assert that television is the best choice because its benefits are more than that of the others.
2 It is evidently reasonable for some to argue that different subjects should be put into different numbers of gender. 依旧模板，可以说that之前都是没有用的东西，不是it is evidently reasonably that 这个句型不好，而是这个结构出现在这里就是地道的模板。后面 把谁放进谁里面？弄混了。
3 architecture, education and math 难道真的男生就比女生好吗？特别是education，用词大，所有的学科都是education。
4 As a consequence 结果是，用在此处当然不恰当。in contrast，好！
5 Otherwise, the physical demands. Men have priority in term of physic ,they are taller, stronger that have capacity to attend some special subjects ,like army school , physical and sports school 说的乱，太晚了 就不给你改了。
6 For instance , I as well as my brother are keen on swimming, therefore we attended a sport course together. However, almost every time we had a test , he passed it without any difficulty ,by contrast, I were always below 60. 这个例子的出现为你的模板作文挽回了0.5分啊！写作就要用实实在在的细节信息！
7 the physical factor is one of the most considerable factors each subject should focus on. 语法问题，谓语动词冲突
8 Additionally, employment is another reason. What we can always see on the notice board of employment is the demands: only for men or only for women, because employers think that men or women can do this work better, hence, that affects the numbers of gender in different subjects.
这一部分是表现，不是原因，用它论证，不妥！
总体：
1 本文论述没有力度，也许是由于模板的存在 。 文章格式很好，但语言不好，论述不利。
2 语法有一些问题。如果不是模板，那么考官会忽略这些语法问题。但正是使用了模板，模板的句子个个很酷，但非模板句多数出现问题，这回令考官反感。
3 思想上，本文支持平等，支持男女不按平均数量来划分，所以第二段很长，第三段很短。而且第三段的理由又是那么的强势或强硬，以至于别人明显能看出你挑了一个别人的不太好的论点来说，这样就会导致读者不信服。而且并不是第二段长，第三段短，就能证明你第二段好，你要去反驳第三段，才能观点统一。
4 最后，如果我来写这，我会在every subject做文章，去否定，并不是所有的subject都equal。有的需要分，有的不需要分。而且不需要分的要多一些。而本文第二段说不分，第三段说分，没有交叉感，这样写逻辑性不强。不会得高分。
如果还有不明白的，可以发站内信。
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哪怕你讲的并不是很有趣的历史事件，哪怕你被考官反问了“Is it interesting?”，你还是有机会扳回一城，只要赋予你的答案一个“有趣”的理由就好了。遇到这种很奇葩的题，千万别紧张。最后，其实关于这些故事的英文版本，在网上可以搜到很多，可以借鉴一下！希望我的回答对你有帮助！Good Luck!
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