高分悬赏，雅思作文批改
one must learn competition to acquire what he or she desires.
in order to get admitted to reputable universities, students must make a strenuous effort to get a higher score in academic study than their peers.
they have to be confronted with the fierce competition in job market.
has the obligation to assist students in paving the way for their further challenges.
Additionally ，students with a high sense of competition are typically growing up to be more independent in the future。
these students seem to have a outstanding capacity for resolving problems.
I think this is mainly because one has to cope with frustration and adverse circumstances while competing with others, thus their characters are moulded and they develop perseverance in competition activities.
Learning to cooperate impels students to establish more lovely social relationships as well as foster their team spirit which is thought to be very important both in study and work.
conflicts among students would be largely avoided if they know how to cooperate with other students.
I would suggest that instilling the sense of competition and cooperation are of equal importance in children’s education.
作文写的挺好的啊 6.5+啊
Studying in foreign countries, in this day and age, plays an increasingly role in our(中式英语，把our去掉) modern society, upon which meanwhile, large numbers（太过口语化，不适合雅思作文的学术要求，建议改成a vast number） of people show great attention（attention在这里稍微有些欠妥，应该是enthusiasm）. Thus（therefore引出下文显得更高级一点...） some people point out that it is wise to be educated in motherland, while the rest hold such（such..that在这不恰当，你可以换成others insist或是others claim） a view that foreign study（在国外学习不能简单翻译成foreign study） is more significant（虽说你避免了important这个低级词汇..但是significant出镜率太高..可以化成play a predominant role in） for students nowadays. Studying abroad bring about advantages undoubtedly（状语可以提前，显得有气势）, and meanwhile, there are not as versatile as expected.
The advantages of abroad study are innumerable（可以用从句It is universally acknowledged that）. There is no doubt that developed countries have not only leading knowledge but also advanced facilities. So（绝对不能这么用..首先口语化了，其次so不能这么用，换成therefore或者thereby）, this is why increasing numbers of graduated youngsters tend to（tend to在这里用错了） go foreign countries achieving further study（换成education）.
There is another merit brought by abroad study that students could met varies of people which have different nationalities（这句话中that从句有问题）. Surely, it is really a good method to cultivate（后面最后接人，你可以说cultivate students a sense of..） community skills. It is reported（approved） that this friendship beside（什么意思..这给词是中式英语） nations can lead people have a strong sense of belongings.
Furthermore, it is widely believed that sending children to foreign countries for further study（education） is an essential contributing factor to the development of personality—（破折号又显得中式了,可以换成，for instance）independence. Putting children in strange land lonely can foster the sense of independence. That is to say doing everything by themselves can make them grow faster. Hence, being in other country ought to be taught to children, because initially they will depend themselves without parents and friends.
Admittedly, the critic has convincing evidence to support their position. We have to admit that foreign countries do have several evil parts in many areas. For instance, drugs, gambling and pornographic industry. Students may easily go astray. Besides, the expense is very high, which is a very heavy financial burden to the average families.
To sum up, the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages greatly. Because it benefits not only individuals, but also the whole society. What we should make sure is to absorb the essence and discard the dregs.
总结一下..我看了一半..发现其实问题还是挺多的..我想问问楼主是有在用十天么？有些踪迹..但是没有完全融会贯通...
话有些直了，错挑的也有点多了..
anyway，还需努力..
离7分还有点远...
这句话的表达方式错误，不能用这样表达，应该改成：In some counties, the national tradition art has been facing extinction.
It is widely accepted that traditional art is the marrow of one nation's culture,however,various kinds of traditional art all over the world nowadays are facing a serious situiation in survival.
这句话要改下表达方式和时态及成分残缺，因为这已经成为了一个事实了，并且面临严重的情况，应该改成：It became an accepted fact that the tradtional art was the narrow of one nation's culture,however kinds of traditional art from which all over the world nowdays has been facing a serious situiation in surival.
Personally,government should,as many people assert,take responsibility for protecting traditional art.
这句话的用词有问题，改成：Generally, government should, as many people comment,have responsibility to protect traditional art.
Traditional art is ,undoubtedly,national treasure since it is a mirrow of one country's custom and culture.
这句话表述不好，我帮你改成：That traditional art is national treasure is no doubt , for it is a mirrow of one country's custom and culture.
后面的句子是对前面半句的解释。
Government,in return,will definately benefit immensely from traditional art support.里面的immensely是多余的。去掉。
reputation of government is also increased which improves relationship between government and citizens.这句话表述让人费解，表达不好，改成：popularity of government is also raised by improving relationship between government and citizens.
What is more,thriving tradition art attracts bunch of tourists and create thousands of job positions available for local economy,improving and boosting tourism and workforce marketplace
这句话要修改些词汇，改成：Therefore, thriving traditional art could attract a number of tourists and offer thousands of job positions for local economy,improving and boosting tourism and workforce marketplace.
文章大体上没有什么问题，只是用词方面不太准确，还有就是尽量多在不同地方变化相同意思的单词，语态也要注意，还有你的语法存在一些问题，从句部分应多看看，多体会。
结构内容都很OK了，祝你成功
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