雅思作文，求修改，建议，分数估计，自己实在是太迷茫了！ 感谢好心人~作文是C4T2的真题

你的语法有严重的错误，需要平常多看一些语法书，而且从句甚是严重。还有就是词汇用词不怎么样。

可以 这是正确的用法~

76分 评语： 文章学术词汇使用熟练，词汇表达较为丰富；衔接词和过渡词用的很不错；句法知识掌握不错，但文中从句数量偏少。

第一句。From the line graph , we can see clearly that the acid
levels in mouth after eating three different kinds of sugar or honey each 5
minutes .

• [句子错误] 本句语法不规范，请检查！
• [句子错误] 语法错误，建议将three different
  kinds改为three
  kinds。
• [标点错误] 标点与其前面的单词之间 不应该有空格，请检查
• [搭配统计] 动名搭配 eat...kind 在教材中出现过 77 次   SeeAlso: eat
  variety86,feed
  kind20,eat sort12,consume
  kind10,eat form4,use_up
  kind4,exhaust
  kind3
• [学习提示] 易混词汇: different, various,
  diverse 均含“不同的”之意。
• 第二句。

As can be seen from the graph that the honey had the
smallest impact to tooth .

 

• [名词错误] to tooth 冠词缺失
• [标点错误] 标点与其前面的单词之间 不应该有空格，请检查
• [低频警示] smallest...impact 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
•  


[低频警示] the smallest impact to tooth 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语

 

第三句。At the beginning , the honey's level of PH fell dramatically
from 7 at first to about 4.7 5 minutes later .

• [标点错误] 标点与其前面的单词之间 不应该有空格，请检查
• [学习提示] 易混词汇: collapse, fall 都含有“倒塌”之意。

第四句。

Then the level had remained the same for another 5 minutes ,
since then it took 15 minutes back to 7.

 

• [标点错误] 标点与其前面的单词之间 不应该有空格，请检查
• [学习提示] 易混词汇: remain, linger, stay
  均有“停留，逗留”之意。

 

第五句。According to the chart honey had approximately 10 minutes
under acid level which tooth decay occurs.

 

• [低频警示] acid level which tooth decay 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
• [低频警示] the chart honey 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
• [学习提示] 易混词汇: agree, accord,
  coincide, conform, correspond 均含“符合，一致”之意。   agree:
  侧重指经过比较后的所有主要部分均和谐一致，无冲突和矛盾。
  accord:
  着重指性格、精神、语气或质量等方面的完全一致。
  coincide:
  多用于指观点、判断、愿望、利益或兴趣的一致或相符。偶尔用于人，强调意见或观点完全相同。
  conform:
  强调在形状、性格以及主要特点等方面的相似或一致。
  correspond:
  指在进行比较时，两个事物在某一个重要方面或细节上互相匹配、一致。
• [批改提示] 注意approximately与roughly的区别。
• [批改提示] according
  to在做“根据”讲时，近义表达有in accordance with。

 

 

 

 

 

我也是在读雅思的  而且8月24号就要考了  以上的批改是我在英语网里找的  要网址的话私信我就OK

求最佳哦亲

The graph shown below (or above?) demonstrates the effects on the acid level in one’s month after consume three different kinds of sugar. The total time taken into consideration is 40 minutes.

The graph indicates that honey had the smallest impact to tooth. Like other sugars, honey causes the PH level in consumer’s month decrease sharply during the first 5 minutes. However, the PH level stopped decline after that, and the PH level starts to increase after 10 minutes of consumption and return the normal PH level after about 25 minutes.

Both fruit sugar and cane sugar shows similar trends as honey within the first 5 minutes. The PH values also sharply decreased to 4.2 and 3.5, respectively. The main difference of consume those sugars instead of honey is the slower recover time. Both fruit sugar and cane sugar consumptions will results in much longer and slower recovering path compare to honey consumption. Fruit sugar takes about 35 minutes to recover the acidity level in one’s month which is the PH value of 7, while cane sugar takes 40 minutes to do so.

Overall , the honey has the slightest impaction for the oral acidity, and influence of cane sugar was most serious.

NOTE: 1. Don't use I, you, we etc. in this kind of paper, it's unprofessional.
2. Make sure the tense is consistent throughout your paper.
3. Use different sentence structures to keep the reading interesting and it flows better.

有好有坏，还不错，80分

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