【高分】求批改雅思作文
With techological inventions and advances,we have entered the information age.改成：With the rapid development of science and techology, we have steped into the information age.
We are more depending on the internet. But when it comes to whether it is positive to do shopping and bussiness on the internet instead of conmmunicating face to face. 改成：We come to be dependent on doing business througth the internet rather than communicating face to face.
Some people insist that do bussiness cases through the internet is positive,while others argue that we would better conmmunicate face to face.改成：Some people think it is positive and useful for doing business through the interent while others don’t agree the view that it would be better for us to communicate by face to face.
Speaking for myself,I am in favor of the former one.改成：In my opinion, I am in favor of the first one.
I find compelling arguments that do bussiness cases through the internet is really convenient and positive.你这句话表达的意思不好，我帮你改成：It is very convenient and positive for us to do business through the internet.
To start with saving time. Today,time is playing a quite important role in our lives.改成：As for time, do busniess through the internet not only play a role in our daily life,but also it can save the time of both sides.
解决问题，用deal with或是cope up with
Sending e-mails just needs several seconds though you are far away from each other.在英语中通常是用it作形式主语，而把真正的主语放在后面，这样做的目的是为了避免投中脚轻。改成：It just need to take several seconds for sending e-mails to others through the internet.
individuals prefer to internet. Individuals一般表示个人，这里改成people。
To conclude, I agree eith doing bussiness cases on the internet if it is possible.改成：As for me, I agree doing busniess through the internet as soon as possible.
I convinced that if we strike a balance between using internet and daily communcations, we will enjoy our lives.这句话说的毫无意义，改成：There is no doubt that both of them has its own characteristic, but I think using the internet is convenient and helpful for me.
题目可以选择，网络做生意比较好点。
还有就是你的英语表达很差，固定的词汇和句子表达的很乱，建议你多看下语法和记些固定的句子。
希望对你有帮助。
用词多样化我是赞成的，但是堆砌辞藻肯定不算是好文章。词语用准了可以提高文章，用得不准反而会贻笑大方。我觉得用词需要加强，这里需要的是一点一滴的长期努力。有些很细致的用词和表达是需要细微感觉的，你能体会出多少算多少吧。
原文：It is generally believed that the subjects and course contents of students should be decided by official institution such like local governments.
第一句的抄袭痕迹过重，借用了题目第一句的表达结构和用词细节，鉴于第二句和后文所显示的语言能力，我觉得你自己语言再表述的实力没有发挥出来。
个人认为，比如the subjects and course contents显然就是考你curriculum这个词，在首句就进行替换应该有助于提高首句质量。
Generally believed 一般要用在有主流共识的情况。因为后边你说业界的观点并不统一，还达没到generally的程度，这里用widely believed比 generally believed 更合适。
“institution” 要加s
students 主要指中小学阶段，题目用的children,所以建议加个”young”。通常，第一句最好指代更清楚，后文才可以省略简化。
改写:It is widely believed that the curriculum for young students should be decided by education departments.
原文：However, whether teachers should be given authority to make a decision about the curriculum for young students is a challenging issue in education.
感觉语言不够精炼，实际表达的信息并不多。这不是个“挑战性”的问题，是个“有争议”的问题。”challenging issue”改为“controversial issue”
改写:However, whether teachers should be given more authority to make such decisions is a controversial issue.
原文：In my opinion, when designing the educational policy on curriculum, authorities should take the suggestions from teachers into account at the meantime.
“the educational policy on curriculum”太累赘了，好像没有这么用的。建议改成“educational policy or curriculum”或单用“curriculum”。
还有一个是用词似似而非的问题。Take suggestion通常是在有建议的情况下被动使用。问题和前文中并没有说老师们已经提出了不同意见, 所以这里最好用“征询”意见而不该用“采纳”意见。用词最好是主动的invite suggestions,而不是take suggestions。另外，仅仅suggestions可能方式太局限，不如用inputs。
At the meantime 在这里纯属画蛇添足。At the meantime不知是否地道，通常用 in the meantime。但是放在这里也还是不合适。meantime一般是指代个某事发生前的临时时段。使用In the meantime 要让读者理解你所指代的时间段的起止，而这里没有明确meantime的起止时间或事件，属用词不当。
改写：In my opinion, when designing curriculum, authorities should invite inputs from teachers.
原文：In the first place, curriculum designed by authorities should be given priority.
严格地说，“大纲“应当被“遵从”，只有“大纲内容“可以被”优先“。“given priority”用在这里和前面不太搭配。给你举个例子体会一下吧：curriculum content should be given priority。因为本文讨论的不是扩展内容，这里建议将“given priority”改为“adhered to“，“followed”或”respected”。以上三个词从最严格到最不严格排序，根据你比较骑墙的观点可能你会选最后一个。
改写：In the first place, curriculum designed by authorities should be respected.
原文：Before carrying out the educational policy, lots of research and investigations must have been done by official institutions.
还是用词不当问题。“Carry out“ 是 implementation/execution的意思，与后文不搭配。根据后文的论述，这里用的意思应该是教育政策的”制定“或”颁布“而非“执行“。所以应该把carry out替换为formulate或make或publish。
“The”应改为“an”， 这里应是泛指的政策。
还有一点，这个句子用词太口语化了，文风不够学术。“lots of“这个短语是比较口语化的，严肃的学术写作文体最好使用更正式的词语表达建议改为”extensive”。另外如果改写得狠一点，”Before publishing“,” “done”等处也可以使用更加学术化的表达。
改写：Prior to the publication of any educational policy, extensive research and investigations must have been conducted by official institutions.
原文：This means those educational plans widely satisfy the demand of student's intellectual development and employment in the future.
至少要加入”needs”，future位置可调。
改写：This means those educational plans widely satisfy the demand of student's intellectual development and future employment needs.
原文：Another advantage is that uniform curriculum made by official institutions can contribute to unify and regulate the unitive educational system，avoiding the irregular standards of native schooling.
加入“a”。unify 和 unitive 显得用词重复。“irregular“改为“inconsistent” ， “native” 要改为”national”。
改写：Another advantage is that a uniform curriculum made by official institutions can contribute to unify the educational system, avoiding the inconsistent school standards nationwide.
原文：However, almost governments concerns more about the requirements of student's development from the social view rather than the interests of the youths.
“Almost” 改为 “most”, “concerns”去掉s, “social view” 可改”expectations from the society”，其他可酌情修改。后文你正确使用的“cater to”不妨放这里使用。
改写：However, most governments concern more about the education outcomes meeting general expectations from the society rather than cater to the interests of the individual youths.
原文：It's hard to avoid that students lose enthusiasm on study toward some boring theoretical classes.
原文的表达不自然。有多种改法比如：“lost enthusiasm for school” 或 “lost interest on some classes”
改写：It’s hard to avoid that some students lost interests on some theory study classes.
原文：On the contrary, teacher's abundant teaching experiences can remedy the defect of the educational policy made by authorities.
说官员的政策有“defects”似乎又是用词不妥。你又不是反对党，也不是在写攻击政策的文章，用“Defect”这个词似乎太重了，不如用”deficiency” 。
“On the contrary“用在这里其实是不恰当的。想想教师的教学经验可以弥补官员教育政策的不足这个观点与什么观点是相对呢？难道是教学经验无用论？前边两句已经用过however 转折了，这里contrary 的对象指代不清。
改写：In this regard, the rich teaching experiences a frontline teacher has can supplement the deficiencies of the curriculum made by the authorities.
原文：Teachers spent their working hours with students together so that teachers understand the student's requirements better than official institutions.
Spent改spend，student’s 改 students’, 第二个“teacher”可以改”they”以避免重复， “institutions”要去掉。学生的需求一般用needs而不用requirements.
改写：Teachers spend longer hours with students, so that they understand students’ needs better than officials.
原文：Also, the subjects and course contents designed by teachers cater to the needs of student's interests better.
“the needs of studnets’ interests” 不是地道的英文,太拗口了。是去掉“the needs of”还是去掉“ interest”二选一吧。考虑上句用了 “needs”, 这句建议保留”interest”
改写：Also, the subjects and course contents designed by teachers cater to student’s interests better.
原文：In addition, it is necessary that let teachers participate in the process of designing the subjects and courses for students since the significant position of education the teachers play.
基本修改的话“that” 改 “to”. “position” 改 “roles”，”position”指代比较”role”更具体， 第二个“of” 改“in”, “the”改 “that”。前半句改得精炼点，后半句改得通顺点，自己体会吧。
改写：In addition, it is necessary to involve teachers in the curriculum development process, recognising the significant roles that teachers play in education.
原文：In conclusion, the subjects and course contents for children should be decided by authorities , such as the central government. However, we can not neglect the disadvantages that the authorities have. And teachers' participation can remedy the defect to some extent. In other words, during the process of drafting the educational policy on curriculum, authorities should take the suggestions from teachers into account .
整段来吧，不解释了。
改写：In conclusion, school curriculum should primarily be decided by the education department at national level. However, in light of the disadvantages such arrangements may have, authorities should value teachers’ participation through out the curriculum drafting process and allow for flexibilities in local teaching practice.
楼主积累的不够多，写得比较少吧。真正要想快速而且高质的话
没有一定时日的训练是很难做到的，就像运动员在赛场上比赛那一刻
背后要有千百次的训练。我个人认为，考好雅思，还真得有充分准备
一方面你可以报个培训班 减少弯路 方向明确些另一方面，自己是要
很上心才行。把培训班老师的课程反复消化，自己去操练 训练，不断总结
我之前就是这样，很努力，不过也因人而异。楼主可以去我之前的培训班做
个雅思能力测试个人觉得这只是个参考，祝你早日成功！
先回答你最后的问题。个人觉得《十天突破雅思写作》不错，里边的写作技巧和写作词汇在我看来都是很不错的。对于想观点和素材花费时间这个问题，此书给出了三种办法。还有，写作基本得做到每天一文，而且要逐步控制时间。而且建议剑7剑8的作文题目建议都留到考前一周来做模拟考场训练。当年我是每天一文坚持了2个月，考试作文得了6.5分，不高但是达到了我的心理要求。
最重要的是文章写出后要找老师或者同学批改，及时总结。那时我总结的时间一般都在2小时左右，这样才能有质的提高。
如果你想剑走偏锋，思维奇特，也不是不可。前提是你有硬实力，功底很深厚。
所以适当模式化的写法至少可以保证你不会得低分。
从此文看出你积累了一定量的词汇，某些程序化的东西也基本掌握。不足：结尾段结束得过于仓促，文章中长句太多，举例不当，某些雅思写作的规则（比如不能缩写）没有了解。
祝你成功迈过出国的第一道坎儿，奔向美好的资本主义国家！
作文批改可以找一个外教帮你进行native English的批改，帮助比较大
一是要自己动笔去写二是要去找人或是自己修改 而且这是最关键的一步
只有知道了自己的不足才能有改进 ,我可以跟lz推荐新东方批改网，虽然说有点贵吧。。但是效果很不错。最好是每天两篇。不过一篇能坚持下来也很好了。
雅思作文求批改
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帮忙批改下这篇雅思大作文吧,感谢!
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雅思作文求批改~~多谢!
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高分悬赏,雅思作文批改
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雅思作文 求批改! 求评分!谢谢!
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雅思作文批改
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帮忙批改下这篇雅思大作文吧,感谢!
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求助:雅思作文task2批改评分
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